you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize