im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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