I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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