I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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