i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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