I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
MIDGETS
????
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize