i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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