First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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