so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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