I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize