Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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