I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize