That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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