Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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