dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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