So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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