Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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