I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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