i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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