So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize