btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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