you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
false alarm. still invincible.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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