remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize