I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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