Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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