You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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