made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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