I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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