I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize