theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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