If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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