I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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