i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize