there's paper in my vomit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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