idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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