Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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