i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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