i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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