I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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