I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
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Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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