Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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