Umm I'm too high to move.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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