I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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