She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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