You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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