Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize