Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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