You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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