What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize