I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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